Memento Mori
by Sunchaser55
Summary: Even angels fall. Mikaela witnesses such with a heavy heart, and he is forced to make a decision that leads him into doing the wrong things for the right reasons. Light becomes dark, and order becomes chaos. The worst part of it, however, is the crippling fear of losing Yuu - this time for good. (May change rating to M later)
1. Fallen Angel

**I started this story well over a month ago, and I'm only just posting it now. I'm so mad. I was hoping to have a few chapters up before the new ons chapter came out. There's a scene in an upcoming chapter that continues from chapter 34, so it would have been so cool to have it up before chapter 35. But oh well. It isn't as if that's the prime focus, anyway. It's just a flashback.**

 **After seeing all of those spoiler pics for the new chapter, I need someone to hold me though.**

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 **PLEASE READ**

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 **Anyhow. Be sure to read the tags before reading, because there ARE a few trigger warnings and such. Also, as my tags stated, this does take place in the canon universe. Though I changed a few things up, and these changes were inspired by Vampire Diaries / The Originals. For instance:**

 **\- Vampires can use compulsion**

 **\- Vampires who were once human can switch off their humanity at will. This leaves them uncaring and guided mainly by their lust for blood / vampire instinct.**

 **\- Vampires feel emotions more intensely then humans do. This is a factor that most often leads to one turning their humanity off. Their overwhelming emotions consume them to the point where it's too unbearable, so the humanity switch is an escape from that pain.**

 **\- Vervain (a potent herb which has been in short supply since the world's end) harms vampires. It burns them on contact, and typically weakens them.**

 **\- Despite not being a Noble, Mika is capable of turning humans into vampires.**

 **Note: I'm actually really confused with this fact in the manga, though. Like, I own the official manga, and when Shinoa is explaining this part, she says that Nobles are the only ones who are ALLOWED to turn humans. As vampires don't like to increase their numbers, apparently. This tells me that all vampires are capable of turning a human, it's just that it's against their law for one to do so if they are not a noble. Now, when I read the online translation, it said more so that nobles were the only ones CAPABLE. So I don't know which would be more accurate. I'd say the official English translation, but who knows. Either way, Mika can turn people into vampires – whether I've simply made him capable of such, or he's breaking vampire law (likeaBOSS) is up to you.**

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 **WARNING: Contains trigger warnings. Such as suicidal thoughts, psychological abuse, anxiety, and depression.**

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 **Memento Mori**

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 _"I find myself doing all of the wrong things for all of the right reasons."_

\- Who Am I? (I see Stars)

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 **Chapter One:** **Fallen Angel**

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Mikaela couldn't allow himself to lose control.

Yuu and his friends hadn't doubted Mika even once since Yuu had convinced him to return to the city with them, despite what he was. They'd welcomed him without question, going as far as stating that any family of Yuu's was family of theirs.

He couldn't let them down by showing them the darkness inside of him.

But it was so damned hard for him when blood hung in the very air of the battlefield around them. He'd begun to tremble, sucking in shaky breathes as every inch of him ached with excruciating blood lust. Wrapping his arms around himself, fingers squeezing into his shoulders, Mika dropped onto one knee. Human and vampire raged around him, and it was obvious that he'd fallen out of the battle – thus existing no longer to those still desperately fighting. He was ignored, no more significant then those who were already dead.

Mika's gaze had even fallen from Yuuichirou, who he'd been keeping a close eye on since conflict had rung out around them.

Now, however, he could focus on nothing but the rich scent of spilled blood.

Resisting only made it all the more agonizing, but the thought of losing himself to a vampire's monstrous instinct hurt even more so. If he succumbed, not only would he be beyond redemption, but upon finally tasting the human blood that he craved, his mortal biology would collapse. Time would freeze for him, and he would be stuck at sixteen for eternity – forced to watch as Yuu's own clock continued to tick, leaving the ageless boy behind. The gap would become greater and greater, until eventually Mika couldn't bear it. An immortal life without Yuu was no life at all. He may as well be dead.

"Mika-kun!"

The urgent voice, as well as the gentle hand on his shoulder, snapped Mika away from his torment. He whipped his head around, eyes flashing with warning. He shouldn't be approached, not when he was in this sort of state.

However, if there was one thing that could pull Mika back from his blood lust, that would be his love and dedication for Yuu. Some things ran deeper then blood ever could.

So when he locked eyes with Yoichi Saotome, a member of Yuu's precious family, Mika softened somewhat – managing to pull away from the thirst, even if just for now. The distraught glint in the human's green eyes was a bit unsettling, and so concern became Mika's prime focus – a concern that ate at his heart much more violently then any sort of hunger ever could.

"What is it?" Mika urgently asked, "Is Yuu-chan alright!?"

Yoichi had been kneeling next to him, but Mika was quick to jolt back up onto his feet. He drew his sword, wild eyes searching the madness around him for Yuuichirou.

Before Yoichi could answer, there was a piercing crash as the glass of a skyscraper's window shattered just above them. From it's jagged opening a group of three vampires or so descended upon them.

Beams of green light whistled through the air towards them, and Mika knew without having to look back that Yoichi had been the one to fire the shots, his bow poised in his hands. His reaction time had been immediate, taking one of the three by surprise.

It couldn't even gasp as one of the arrows tore into it's throat, it's body twisting into ashes that were quickly scattered by the wind.

That left only two...

Neither vampire seemed fazed by the loss of their teammate, but that didn't stop either vampire from understanding the threat that Yoichi posed. As for Mika, eyes that were a harsh red flickered over him for but a moment – slightly confused by his purpose there. Almost as if they couldn't understand why one of their own hadn't taken down the far-range attacker when doing so would have been a simple task, especially with how closely Mika stood to him.

One would've thought that they'd been informed. Then again, Mika wasn't wearing the usual Moon Demon uniform like he did at home. He had switched into his original vampire uniform specifically for this very reason. Confusion gave him just enough edge to take out his foes with little struggle.

The battle in Mika's favour, he sheathed his sword as the two vampire's lunged for Yoichi, fangs bared and a hungry glint in their glowing eyes. Just as they prepared to whip past the blonde, Mika's arms lashed out like whips – his hands closing around each of their throats.

"T-thanks, Mika-kun," he heard Yoichi murmur, a small, relieved sigh escaping him.

Mika silently nodded before then releasing one of the vampires from his hold. The exact second that Mika did so, arrows rained down one after the other like some sort of furious storm - almost as if they had practiced this moment over and over again. Before the vampire could even pick up on the fact that such wounds were fatal, he'd already vanished into dust.

That left Mika to focus on the other who remained within his grasp, the shock having passed as the vampire began to struggle. His fingers tightened, and a strangled gasp managed to find it's way between the vampire's lips just before Mika reached for the hilt of his sword. He drew it like lightning, plunging it's blade into the writhing monster's chest without so much as batting an eyelash. No, he didn't care as the vampire went limp in his hold, it's weight fading soon after as death embraced it. Instead, he spun back around towards Yoichi, blue eyes filled with desperation. "Take me to Yuu-chan!"

Yoichi nodded his head, hesitating not because he was unsure, but because it'd taken a moment to process what Mika had said when all of his senses were tuned on staying alive and picking up on any other advancing threats. "R-right!"

The brunette guided Mika along, as Mika acted as his shield in return. Close range would be the death of him, so they had to be extra cautious. There was no way someone precious to Yuu would die, not in Mika's care. He'd shelter the archer with his very own life.

In-between any of the battles that slowed their progress, Yoichi reassured the other, "Yuu-kun's fine. But our squad was at risk of being overwhelmed, so I volunteered to come look for you. Mitsuba-san and Shinoa-san should be able to cover Yuu-kun and Kimizuki-kun until I return. But we should hurry!"

Mika was glad for that, especially if they were in danger. But it was a bit reckless... Losing their sniper would put the squad at a noticeable disadvantage, but more so then that, the trek to Mika would have been deadly for Yoichi to travel alone.

Desperate times called for desperate measures, he supposed...

Mika could imagine that Kimizuki hadn't been very approving of that... not if Kimizuki felt the same way that Mika did for Yuu, even if it were but a fraction of Mika's intense feelings.

The vampire attacks seemed to dwindle – perhaps they were retreating, as it was more then obvious to Mika that the tides of battle had turned in favour of the humans. Despite being far more fragile when compared to vampires, Mika couldn't help but hold a sort of respect for them. They were resilient, despite their inferior body structure.

But as Mika and Yoichi made their way down the clearing street, Yuu and his squad now in view just ahead of them, Mika was only reminded of just delicate a human life could be.

The vampire's heart sank, his blood turning into ice that flowed through his aching veins. _**Everything**_ hurt right then, and all he could do was take in Yuu's broken body, draped over Shinoa's lap as pure despair clutched it's dark, sorrowful fingers around his very soul.

Blood stained the cracked pavement below them, and it's scent dizzied Mika just long enough for him to almost forget that the wounded one before him was his very world. But the heartbreak painfully crept back, frightened, ice-blue eyes flickering to Yuu's fluttering eyelids, and then to the oozing wound at his abdomen. Shinoa's hands were urgently pressed to it, but the blood still managed to stream from in-between her fingers. You wouldn't have ever known that her gloves had once been white.

A vampire had limitless blood to lose. Despite their pumping hearts, they were still undead. To a vampire, their blood's sole purpose was to sire others. That, and to bestow their weapons with strength. A human, however... their lives were linked with their blood.

And judging by the amount of blood that Yuu had lost, his life-line was running short...

"Oh my gosh..." Yoichi clasped his hands to his mouth, green eyes dimmed by horror as his lip began to tremble uncontrollably and tears automatically danced down his face. He froze in place, his legs too weak to carry him forward.

Shinoa's distant voice reached their ears, it's very sound cracking as she tried to encourage Yuu to stay awake, at least until help arrived. "Open your eyes, Yuu-san! Come on, you can't just die like this! You promised to cure Mika! You promised you'd always protect everyone! You don't want to die a cherry boy, do you!? Please open your eyes, Yuu-san!"

Mika dragged himself along, despite the heartache that should have crippled him. The only hope that hung in his broken heart was the naive notion that none of this was real. It _**couldn't**_ be real. The Apocalypse had begun many years ago, and the reign of humans had most definitely ended along with the world as any human had once known it. But Mika hadn't ever really felt such. So long as Yuu was in the world somewhere, even if others claimed otherwise, how was it dead?

Yuu was the definition of life itself. He was Mika's definition of 'the world.' He _was_ Mika's world. Without him, what was left? What was left as Mika dove down onto the concrete before Shinoa, the world bleeding upon her lap? There was no way this could be real, Mika wouldn't allow it to be. Otherwise, life as he knew it would be over for real this time...

Kneeling before him, Mika desperately cupped a hand to Yuu's face – pleading that there would be warmth there. This was a nightmare, and he would soon awaken from it. Yuu would be sleeping next to him, stirring in response to Mika's startled gasp as he jolted out of bed. Then Yuu would tiredly ask him if he was okay, or if he had had a nightmare, and Mika would pull Yuu into him tightly. He'd murmur 'I love you's' and sweet nothings into the human's ear - so, _so_ glad that he could hear Yuu's heart beating through his chest. Then he'd squeeze his arms around him more securely, making the both of them promise that they wouldn't ever be apart. Not ever. Never again...

But as the scene before him refused to fade, Mika's eyes grew wider and the dizziness from earlier returned. Though this time, it was different. It felt as if he could no longer breathe, and his mind buzzed. He was so light-headed...

This was reality... and rather then this nightmarish hell fading, it was Mika's body and mind that had felt as if they would shut down – as if he were somehow linked to Yuu's life, and he too were dying.

"Yuu-chan..." his voice was barely audible as he searched Yuu's paling face, his hand falling away from Yuu's cold skin.

Yuu's eyes, such a vivid shade of green, fluttered back open at the quiet call of his name. Despite being so vivid, there was a drained look to their depths and they couldn't seem to properly focus as they tried to search Mika's grief-stricken face. "M-Mika...?"

The dying boy weakly lifted his hand, as if searching for the source of the beloved voice. Mika bit his lip to keep from sobbing as he completed the distance for him, lacing his fingers between Yuu's own and clasping tightly as if to reassure him that he was right there for him. But really, he simply didn't want to ever let go.

Somehow, through all of the agony, the trembling, and the shock that continued to spread a haze over his mind, Mika managed to speak thickly, "Yuu-chan... You're going to be okay, I promise. I'm here now!" He wasn't sure if those words were meant to comfort Yuu or himself. Perhaps neither. Denial soothed him best.

"Mika, I'm glad... You're here."

Gently, Mika began to sweep his other hand through Yuu's dark bangs.

"Of course I am, I'm not going anywhere. Not ever. So please, hold on just a little while longer. We'll get someone to treat you, and then we'll all go back home. Okay? Just please Yuu-chan, just keep your eyes open a little while longer," Mika insisted, unable to keep his voice from shaking.

"Home?" Yuu repeated the word as if he were so very happy that Mika even referred to it as such. "We're going home... huh? D-did we win?"

Mika nodded his head, "Y-yeah. I think so."

"Good... I kicked ass today. You should have seen me, Mika." Yuu's eyes began to flutter again.

"I did! The majority of it," the blonde squeezed Yuu's hand, desperate to keep him awake. If only Mika hadn't ever lost sight of him... It was then that Yuu had been hurt like this. Mika could have prevented it, but instead, he'd been overcome by blood lust. The very thought made him nauseous.

Yuu frowned and the strength in his hand seemed to grow weaker and weaker by the second. "I'm sorry, Mika... I... I don't think that I'm gonna make it home with you guys."

"Don't talk like that!"

A pang that mangled Mika's entire body made him shudder as Yuu's lips formed into a small, weak smile. His voice sounded strained, yet his tone sounded as warm as it usually did when he spoke with Mika. It was a sound that often melted him from the inside out, but now, it did nothing but make the vampire feel all the more ill.

"It'll be okay... You have... our new f-family now. M-Mika, you don't need to do anything by yourself anymore. Please... Let them take care of you... for me."

With a cry that was produced through a mix of both fury and anguish, Mitsuba slammed her curled fist into the nearby wall of a wrecked skyscraper. Kimizuki had long ago found his way to Yoichi's side, who'd been crying into his hands, shaking so uncontrollably that if not for Kimizuki's hands upon his shoulders, he would have sagged to the floor. Perhaps Kimizuki himself was even crying. His shoulders were so tense, as if he were trying to stay strong for the sakes of everybody else... Then there was Shinoa. She could do nothing but bow her head, unable to restrain the tears that fell from her eyes. Her hands only shook all the more violently against Yuu's wound, though if he felt it, he didn't display such.

Mika's voice cracked, "I can't live without you..." He choked on his tears then, having no choice but to force his eyes shut as an undefinable force constricted mercilessly around his heart.

Then, once those truthful words left his mouth, that was when it hit him.

It didn't have to be this way. Mika could _**save**_ him.

His precious, precious Yuu-chan... He'd never wanted this sort of life for him. This sort of suffering. Yuu wasn't only Mika's very world. Yuu was perfect. He was _everything._ He wasn't tainted and selfish, not the way that Mika had become. Yuu was too pure. Too good. Too kind. He was light. Mika would rather sacrifice his entire being then lure Yuu into such foul darkness...

But perhaps it was _because_ he was selfish.

Mika just _**couldn't**_ live without him. He couldn't... And as he reluctantly raised his free hand to his lips, disgust coursing through him so putrid that he thought he might be sick, Mika reassured himself that this was his last resort. He didn't want this... but he didn't have a choice.

All that mattered was mending the world that was crumbling down around him. How he did so didn't matter anymore. This pain was too much. Unbearably so. If not for Yuu, he would have switched his humanity off a long time ago.

Whimpering, Mika fought his hysterical thoughts as well as his doubt, sinking his fangs deeply into his wrist. Blood stained his mouth, and as he withdrew he watched as it flowed from the self-inflicted wound with horrified blue eyes. It ran down his arm, dripping onto the concrete below.

"M-Mika-san, what are you doing?" Shinoa raised her head to look at him with frightened eyes. The glint within them told Mika that she was very much aware of what it was he planned to do. "Stop!"

Her numb hands finally left Yuu's abdomen so that she could try to snatch Mika's arm.

For a moment, he paused. Again, second-thoughts drifted to the surface of his mind. Was this what he truly wanted? Would this be what _**Yuu**_ wanted? It was too late to ask him. He'd fallen into unconsciousness. He was so cold... But this... this would bring him back to life.

 _But what if Yuu-chan hates me?_

 _He could never hate me._

 _What if he suffers like I have?_

 _No, I'll help him._

 _This is wrong._

 _But he'll be alive._

 _I don't want him to be a monster._

 _If they assure **you** that you're not a monster, then why should they look down on this? Would they rather leave Yuu-chan to die over becoming the same as I? If that's the case then they're lying hypocrites. Filthy humans, just like the rest. _

_But what if..._

 _Shut up!_

 _What if..._

"Mika-san!" Shinoa cried as Mika shook her hand off, hastily pressing his bleeding wrist to Yuu's lips.

He may as well have been drinking human blood right then, because as unreadable orbs searched Yuu's face without knowing how to feel, it felt as if time itself had stopped. The sight of blood soaking Yuu's unmoving lips was almost so surreal that Mika felt as if he were viewing the scene through another's eyes.

His heart, now indifferent to it's prior pain, had stopped beating, and he held his breath without even taking notice to it – too focused on trying to process everything before him. It wasn't until Shinoa lunged for his hand a second time that Mika finally jerked upright, eyes lighting up with shock and a gasp escaping him as he was pulled from his dreamlike state.

This time he allowed for the hands to coil around his wrist, guiding it away from Yuu's mouth.

But it was too late, and Mika's ice-blue eyes froze over in realization, his lips parting slightly as he breathlessly murmured through icy disbelief, "...What have I done?"

The crying among the small band of humans had ceased sometime before Mika had recovered just enough from his grief to return to his right mind, and now all the each of them could do was gape in shock. Nothing but silence hung in the air as they simply stared. Even the sound of battle had long ago calmed – leaving behind nothing but the bodies of the dead, the distant howls of victory from any survivors, and a certain degree of eeriness.

Even once Yoichi shattered the tense silence that hung heavily over them, no one dared to shift in even the slightest. They could hardly even breathe, let alone figure out how to feel.

"...E-even though you've never had human blood to awaken more of your powers, does this mean that Yuu-kun will wake up, but as a vampire?" He spoke carefully, though sounded oddly relieved in a way. At the same time, Yoichi seemed dazed. This just couldn't be happening. He couldn't wrap his head around it. Even though they had accepted Mika, as well as come to recognize that he'd retained several of his human qualities, there was still something incredibly unsettling about having their comrade forcibly turned into the very thing they'd been trained to eliminate.

"...I," Mika swallowed thickly, still fixated on Yuu's face as he struggled to reclaim his breath. His stomach flipped, and he thought for sure that he was going to be sick for real this time. "I don't know..."

Shinoa bit the inside of her mouth, trying to speak coolly, though it was more then obvious as she spoke unsteadily that she was as terrified as everybody else. The panic that danced in her eyes was enough indication on it's own. "Let's assume he's going to wake up..." she paused, her gaze flickering to Mika's, "Mika-san... What... What can we expect? What happened to you once you were sired?"

So Yuu was either dead, or would re-awaken as a vampire. Mika didn't want to acknowledge either option. How could he? Then again, how could he make sense of just about anything without Yuu? Yuu was his compass. Without him, Mika felt so terribly lost and cold. If Yuu was dead, then he wanted to be dead too.

"Mika-san?" Shinoa repeated herself upon the silence that followed her question, a hint of urgency entering her tone. "Mika-san, what do we do?"

His mind swam with Yuu, and it was almost impossible to focus on anything else right then, let alone the memory of when he'd been made into a vampire all of those years ago. It wasn't as if the memory of it had ever dimmed. It would probably remain vivid for as long as his immortality lasted. If Yuu ceased to wake, then his so-called eternal life would expire very soon, anyway...

No matter how memorable the appalling recollection of his past was, it still took a great deal of willpower for Mika to focus enough to speak of it when all he could concentrate on was his loved one's fate. "He... he'll want blood," Mika spoke gingerly, far too distracted as he sadly took in Yuu's sleeping face. His skin was more pale then Mika had ever seen it, and the blood upon his still lips was striking. Yet there was still something sort of pretty about him, as messed up as it sounded. Maybe it was the way his breath softly sounded from his lips, as if to reassure Mika that he was still alive. Or maybe it was the way his closed eyelids quivered every now and again, his thick lashes seeming to spill shadows across his lightly coloured cheeks.

"Right away?" Shinoa confirmed, her tone attentive. She wanted to be prepared for anything.

Again, Mika hesitated, "...Yeah. But Yuu-chan will be fine. I'll help him..." There was a hint of doubt in his own voice, so he sounded anything but convincing. Why had he done this? The guilt hit his bloodstream like acid. He _wanted_ to help. But he knew better then anybody just how powerfully his entire body had ached back on that very first day. He may as well have been set aflame, because he wouldn't have known the difference when every inch of his body had pounded and throbbed with it's need for blood. Now he was going to put Yuu through that... What? Did he think he could do the same as Krul had done for him? Feed Yuu his own blood and hope for the best?

"No, unlike me, Yuu-chan will have support. I'll support him," Mika whispered, trying to rid himself of his shame. It was too late now, and Yuu would need him to be strong. He had time to hate himself for this later.

Mika jumped when he suddenly felt a soft touch to his shoulder. Yoichi's touch.

"No, _**we'll**_ support him. All of us," Yoichi corrected him warmly. His eyes were still red, and his face was stained with tear tracks, but somehow, the brunette looked bright. Confident, even. Like he really, truly believed that everything would be okay, so long as he, Mika and the rest of the squad were all together.

Despite their continued shock at what he had done, Mitsuba, Kimizuki nor Shinoa protested.

By some means, Mika almost smiled.

He opened his mouth to express his heartfelt gratitude, but his focus was broken apart just as quickly as the hope that had just entered his heart when Yuu shot up from where he'd been lying within Shinoa's lap with a strangled gasp.

Mitsuba, Yoichi and Kimizuki stared over in astonishment, as Shinoa stood up from where she'd been on her knees all this time. She took a step back, carefully observing the boy. Though a glimmer of relief bled through her cool exterior.

"Yuu-chan..." Mika took him in, all else melting away as comfort at being able to see Yuu again embraced his damaged chest like a warm blanket. He knew it was wrong. But in that moment, he felt that so long as they were together, nothing else mattered.

Yuu's gaze wildly darted from Mika to the other faces around him, and Mika automatically went to cup the sides of Yuu's face with his hands tenderly – hoping to calm him by reassuring him that he was there for him. As Yuu searched Mika's face in return, green orbs reflected a flood of overwhelming emotion: the alleviation he felt from Mika's presence ; his confusion ; fright ; the hunger that he couldn't possibly explain.

"Mika, what's going on?!" Yuu demanded, placing a palm over one of the hands that caressed his cheek. He squeezed his fingers against Mika's knuckles anxiously. "What's wrong with me!?"

Mika replied in a soft, hushed tone – trying to seem soothing. He forced what he hoped was a fond smile, but that didn't stop the sadness from sneaking it's way into his voice. "...I'm sorry, Yuu-chan. I..." there wasn't any excuse that justified what he'd done, and he only hoped that Yuu would mistake the tremor in his hands for his own. "I can't live without you. I... did something immoral." _Like the filthy monster that I am._ "But I'm going to fix this, okay? You're going to be okay. I promise you, I'll take care of you."

Mika could feel it as the fear dissipated. Yuu's trembling no longer fondled the blonde's fingertips, almost as if Mika had taken all of Yuu's uneasiness into himself.

He'd carry it all.

At first, Mika had believed that maybe his words had touched Yuu's heart somehow, and that was why he'd significantly calmed. But when he continued to examine Yuu's face as he awaited even just the faintest sound from him, Mika caught the detached gleam in Yuu's eyes.

"Yuu-chan?" Mika leaned slightly closer, blinking at the other as he slowly lowered his hands from Yuu's face. A tinge of concern returned and it pinched at his stomach.

An alarm rang in his mind, and the chill that had swept over him told Mika that something wasn't right. Something told him that he shouldn't. Perhaps it was because Mika loved the dark haired boy's eyes so much, and now the very light he liked within them had been replaced with a certain icyness. Or maybe it was because those very eyes were directed at him. But Mika couldn't restrain from reaching for Yuu's hand. Four years had been long enough, and Yuu felt as if he were suddenly so distant. He'd take hold of his hand and never let go, just to ensure that there would never be any distance between them ever again.

"Thanks, Mika..." Yuu welcomed the touch, though his words sounded anything but sincere. His tone matched the ice in his eyes. Mika could only frown at it, though found himself unable to speak when Yuu's fingers intertwined with his own. "Really though, Mika, I'm fine now. Just hungry."

Mika's uncertainty disappeared and he curled his fingers around Yuu's in return, opening his mouth to offer aid in the only way he knew how: through his blood.

However, before a single word could escape him, Mika instead found himself sucking in a sharp breath as Yuu lunged at him without warning.

"Yuu-san? What are you doing!?" Shinoa exclaimed.

Fangs tore into Mika's throat, puncturing a vein that would have killed him if he'd still been human. Even so, Mika never thought once of pushing Yuu away. This was what he'd wanted, anyway. He was more then aware that Yuu wasn't himself, but maybe that would change once he'd been fed. For now, all he could do was rest an encouraging hand against the back of Yuu's head, softly stroking his fingers through black strands of messy hair as he could feel Yuu eagerly running his tongue against the skin of his throat.

When he finally lifted his head from Mika's neck, warm blood streaming down his face, Mika still couldn't seem to recognize him... He could feel Yuu's breath against him, and the boy's lips hovered only moments from his ear. "Thanks, Mika. That was enough to get me up on my feet, at least.," he whispered, still lacking the warmth that Mika compared to the sun.

Mika's hand left Yuu's to clutch at his chest. He felt cold again, and it hurt to breathe. He flinched as Yuu hummed, "But did you really think that _your_ blood would be good enough? That I needed you to _'take care'_ of me?" He scoffed. "I'm not so pathetic."

Mika heard frantic cries from the others, each of them calling Yuu's name as if to snap him out of it. But their calls sounded so distant as Mika could feel himself spiralling. Even his vision couldn't properly focus, not as shock consumed him entirely.

What the hell had he done?

What the hell had he done to his Yuu-chan?

That was the last thought that crossed his mind. Then the face that could have been mistaken for a stranger's – Yuu's face - was the last that filled his vision before he blacked out upon the newly awakened vampire wrapping his hands around his neck and snapping it.

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 **Thanks for reading, and I'm sorry for the cliffhanger. I've been dedicating so much of my time to writing this story, and I'd absolutely love to receive any sort of feedback from all of you. I get seriously discouraged when I don't get any comments, so just let me know if you want me to continue. Haha, even just talk to me about Mikayuu. Please?**

 **Also, I wanted to make a shout out to Roro. Thanks for always encouraging me with writing this. I wouldn't have found the motivation without all of your kind words**.


	2. Starless Night

**Thanks to everybody who read the first chapter (as well as reviewed, I love you guys!), and to those who continue to read~ Of course, to any new readers, too. I hope that you all enjoy~**

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 **Chapter Two: Starless Night**

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 _"In the quiet I need you, I think I hear you laugh."_

 _\- Don't Go Now (Philip Selway)_

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" _Just do it, Mika," Yuuichirou unbuttoned his collar, tugging down on it as if to stress just how strongly he desired to do this for him._

 _Mikaela shook his head just as stubbornly, his gaze averting the exposed throat that seemed to be calling out to him. "Stop it, Yuu-chan! Don't tempt me... This was why I didn't want to tell you about it..."_

 _He tried to keep his eyes locked on the dark sky above._

 _Since Mika had returned to Shibuya with him, the two of them would often find peace here – atop the roof of the building that Mika now called home. In eight years, whether it shone a brilliant shade of blue or found itself brimming with silver glitter like right then, the sky had been a sight so rare that even now Mika had to sometimes stop just to admire it._

 _It had sort of become tradition for the two of them to simply stare up at the stars together each night. Sometimes they would silently take in the ebony night, moonlight their only guide as they would share glances with one another every now and again. A lot of times, their hands would somehow find one another in the dim twilight, and smiles would automatically flicker to their lips. It was the simplest of touches that reassured them that they were safe. They were alive, and together. Nothing would separate them again._

 _Then there were times like their current night, where they would do nothing but talk._

 _Yuu frowned, "You didn't have to tell me. You didn't think I'd already noticed? Mika, you need to eat. It will only get harder on you if you don't, and you said so yourself that you've run out of Krul's blood."_

" _I can't," Mika bit his lip, "Besides, I've been drinking blood from other vampires. It's enough to get me by."_

 _Even he couldn't deny that their blood was just about as useless to him as Krul's was becoming..._

" _Don't give me that crap!" Yuu protested, fierce orbs fixated on the face that refused to look at him. His arm shot out so that he could grasp onto the hand that was splayed between their seated forms. It was at that contact, that Mika turned to look at him in return, eyes lit with pleasant astonishment. "I care about you so much, Mika! I finally got you back, and you're not even gonna take care of yourself? That's bull. I can't lose you again, and I bet you feel the same way, so please, Mika... just for once, help yourself out here. Don't make me beg..."_

" _Yuu-chan..."Sadness soaked into every facial feature, and in a gentle murmur, Mika finally admitted the root of his utmost reluctance. "Once... once I drink human blood, I'll lose every last part of me that's still somewhat human... I... I can't."_

 _That, and of course he didn't ever want to do anything that would hurt Yuu in any way..._

 _The human's flames of determination were rapidly extinguished – his face falling as he searched Mika's melancholy eyes, sadness intermingled with the gleaming silver light from the moon. "I didn't know..." Yuu thought carefully before he spoke. He didn't want to be insensitive, but at the same time, he needed to convey to Mika that none of that truly mattered. What mattered was that Mika was well. He needed to take care of himself. "Why didn't you ever tell me? What sorts of things would change? Either way, you'd still always be Mika to me."_

" _You don't understand," Mika pressed his lips together, sheltering Yuu's hand between his two palms and clasping, as if the gesture would say all that needed to be said. "My biological structure as it is now would cease to exist. I would no longer age, Yuu-chan. I-" his voice began to quake at the mere thought of it. "That's the worst of it, but if I drank human blood, it would feel as if I'm accepting what I am. That I'm throwing away whatever humanity I retained in order to embrace the monster... I'd be no different from **them.** I'd even **look** like them..." _

" _You mean your eyes would go red? But you know, Mika... whether your eyes are blue, red, pink, whatever – it doesn't matter. You have pretty eyes," his skin flushed as he admitted such, but he tried to keep from stuttering. It wasn't the time to be shy. "They'll be pretty either way. People change their appearances all the time, anyway. So long as you're still the Mika I lo- know at heart, that's what truly matters, right? As for your aging: I'm going to find a way to make you human again, anyway. You don't need to worry about that."_

 _Mika was adamant on his decision to refrain from drinking human blood, yet he was taken aback by Yuu's heartwarming reply – his chest feeling somewhat fuzzy, and a pink glow dusting his cheeks. Even though there were times where he couldn't help but hate himself for what he'd become, Yuu somehow managed to see the light in him every time. He always came to his defense, even when it was his own mindset he needed to be saved from._

 _The faintest hint of a smile found it's way to Mika's lips, and it only grew brighter as he lovingly lipped Yuu's name._

 _He released Yuu's hand from in-between his own, though only so that he could guide it to his lips. Placing a delighted kiss upon his knuckles, Mika beamed, "Do you even realize how much I need you? You believe in me when I can't even believe in myself. Despite what I am now, you've never thought any differently of me, have you?"_

" _Of course not, we're family, aren't we?" Yuu's very own facial features lit up at that. He'd missed Mika's smile so much. He'd seen it, a sort of light that only the sun could give off, in so many of his dreams. But it had never been as bright as the real thing. The genuine article was so much more contagious._

 _The blonde's heart swelled, and his smile widened. For four years, he'd been so set on finding Yuu, yet somehow, fear and shame had followed him like a shadow since his vampirism. They'd plagued him with nerves and doubt, whispering from the very depths of his mind that Yuu wouldn't ever accept him now that he was a vampire, let alone consider him his family._

 _Mika had always known that the murmurs were lies, but they'd always lingered regardless – taunting him._

 _Nothing could have stopped him from laughing away those stubborn shadows, not as he threw himself forward and captured Yuu within a fierce hug._

 _Having not expected the sudden affectionate gesture, Yuu tensely froze in Mika's arms, his breath catching in his chest. Though he settled soon enough, the warmth that was Mika's chest and arms more then comforting to him._

 _ **So** comforting... _

_After much thought, he hesitantly shifted in the blonde's hold, setting his head down into Mika's chest. Cuddling into it, he muttered, nearly hoping that his words would become lost in cloth or on the gentle night-time breeze rather then reach Mika's ears. "I just don't want to lose you again..."_

 _The faint throbbing from a beating heart echoed in his ears, and that soothing sound only helped to reinforce those words._

 _Hearing them made Mika's heart flutter, but at the same time, his hands worked at holding Yuu closer. He couldn't stand the thought that he'd made Yuu so sad... He was more then glad that Yuu hadn't forgotten about him, but to know that Yuu had missed him to the point where there seemed to be something so much more delicate about him now..._

 _It hurt._

 _He planned to take it away, whether it was through time, words, or even his lips and hands. He'd make Yuu feel safe again._

" _I'm not going anywhere," Mika promised, his voice tender against Yuu's ear,"If sometime in the future, I have to choose to cast away every last shred of humanity I have left to be with you, then I'd do it in a heart beat. I promise I won't let anything happen to me. But for now, can I ask you to trust me?" He paused, adding quietly, "That time isn't now."_

 _Yuu pressed his lips together, fingers clasping around the fabric of Mika's shirt. It wasn't okay. He wanted Mika to drink his blood right then and there. Why should he make himself suffer so unnecessarily? All the while, he couldn't bring himself to say no. If Mika was asking him to trust him, then he would. For now, at least. If it came down to it, Yuu would force feed him if he had to._

" _...I'm gonna hold that against you, you know. I mean it, Mika."_

 _Mika smiled, "I know, Yuu-chan."_

 _For now, this was simply enough. Being with Yuu again was all he'd ever wanted, and as he withdrew just enough to plant a kiss upon Yuu's forehead, Mika knew that he would be okay._

 _They both would._

* * *

Mika lurched out of bed, a strangled scream rising from his throat and filling the medical room that he occupied. Hysterical eyes scrambled around the room, searching for the one and only person who filled his restless thoughts.

"Yuu-chan!?" he cried, welcomed only by emptiness and a shrieking silence. Not even the medical equipment at his bedside produced sound, as monitoring his brain waves or post-animated pulse wasn't exactly essential in treating a vampire. It was almost maddening, especially when all he wanted was even the faintest hint that Yuu was safe – to hear his voice or his heartbeat. _**Anything.**_

What he'd done to Yuu still frequented his thoughts, haunting him with the nightmare that had become a horrid and unnerving reality. But not even that could compare to the thought that something may have happened to him. He'd break if that were the case, and what would make it worse was that it would be all his fault. _**Again.**_

Thank god for his sanity right then, because before he could climb out of bed and make it his mission to search for Yuu on his own, Guren pushed his way through the door, entering the small room. "Welcome back to the real world," Guren commented, looking the vampire over. It wasn't until he silently watched Guren in return that Mika looked over himself and realized he'd been changed into fresh clothes. "Have a nice rest?"

"You say that as if I've been asleep for a while," Mika spoke cautiously, almost afraid of what Guren's answer would be. If he really had been unconscious for so long, then just how had Yuu fared without him? He'd promised to help him. He needed to be there for him. The fact that he could vaguely recall Yuu being the one to drive him into the black world of unconsciousness only made him worry more so. Yuu needed help in the crucial subject of control, that was clear. He wouldn't have done that, otherwise. There was no way...

Unless...

Mika couldn't keep from thinking back, considering the fact that Yuu had almost behaved as if... no, how could he have turned his humanity off upon awakening?

Guren shrugged as he took a seat on the edge of Mika's bed. "It's been nearly two weeks, Mika."

"Two weeks?" Mika spoke under his breath questionably, unable to believe that he'd really been out for so long. Though panic quickly hit him. Oh god. His heart almost leaped straight out of his chest as he suddenly demanded, "Where's Yuu-chan!? Is he okay!?"

"Calm down, kid. That idiot's probably fine."

" _ **Probably**_?" Mika hissed. "What does that even mean? Is he or isn't he!?"

Guren sighed, an annoyed sound that only made Mika ball his hand into a fist around his bed sheets. Scratching the back of his ebony head of hair, he said, "He's probably better off then any of you at the moment."

The anger drained away from Mika's facial expression, despite the fact that Guren still had him going around in circles. "What do you mean?"

"Yoichi and Mitsuba are still hospitalized," Guren explained, though from there he seemed to hesitate on what he wanted to say, a glint of sympathy flashing over him. "They'll be fine, but there's something else that I need to talk to you about."

It was then that Mika followed Guren's eyes, his gaze flicking to the blood pack that Guren played with in his hands. It was also then that he realized just how hungry he was. They must have been feeding him during his blacked out state, however, as two weeks worth of blood lust would have left him on the brink of control. No, it would be worse then that. He would have starved already, falling even further from humanity then he already had by becoming a senseless and deranged demon.

He would have been surprised that he hadn't noticed the blood through such ravenous hunger sooner, that is if he wasn't already aware that his overwhelming love for Yuu always overpowered his thirst.

"That's human blood," Mika noted, nose crinkling at it's scent. He was all too tempted to snatch it right out of Guren's hands, and he hated that fact.

Guren nodded, "That's what we need to talk about."

Mika's reply was immediate. "I'm not drinking it, if that's what you're asking."

"I'm sorry Mika, I truly am," he didn't really sound all too apologetic. More so serious. As if he were demonstrating an imperative tactic to him, and that that alone would help Mika in understanding his reasoning. "But you've already drank human blood."

Shock didn't even begin to describe the reason for Mika's suddenly freezing up, unable to even blink or breathe as he merely stared behind stunned eyes.

Guren shifted from where he sat, watching the vampire carefully. Combing a hand through his bangs, he went to explain. "I didn't really have a choice. Your neck was broken, and you weren't healing. So when you were unconscious, I fed you human blood and it awakened your true abilities, along with more advanced regeneration capabilities. Without them, who knows if you'd have healed, let alone awoken."

Not that he didn't trust him, but Guren wondered if Mika had even the slightest urge to rip his head off right then and there. He probably could have. If Guren dropped his guard, anyway, which he didn't tend to do – not around the vampire who'd never really opened up to him. Perhaps it was because they'd fought in the past. Mika had nearly killed him. Maybe that fact just caused too much tension between them.

He was glad enough that Yuu and his squad seemed to get along with him just fine, at least. They kept him in check, or at least that's how Guren saw it. Not that he didn't feel for the kid. Of course he did. In his eyes, Mika was a victim. He was family, and whether they saw eye-to-eye or not, Guren was determined to help Yuu cure him.

As Mika processed each word, it wasn't anger that bubbled to the surface of his mind and displayed itself in his body language. What smothered him was a sort of emptiness that felt as if it would crush him underneath it's weight. Why was it that he'd never been able to choose his own destiny? Everything had been forcibly taken from him... His humanity ; the lingering fragments of it ; and what of Yuu? Had Yuu been taken from him, also? Where was he...?

"What about Yuu-chan? What happened, and why are his friends hospitalized?" Mika asked in a hurt whisper. The very air may have been suffocating at that moment, but it wasn't as if he was going to express his grief to Guren. He'd already been exposed to human blood, and there wasn't anything he nor anybody else could do about it. He'd silently carry the pain, but what mattered most was finding his way back to Yuu...

It was apparent that Guren wasn't willing to switch the subject so quickly, however. Perhaps it was because he felt guilty. Or maybe Guren pitied him...

"Mika," Guren extended an arm out, offering the vampire the blood pack in his hands. "It's temporary. I promise you that I'm doing everything I can. We have our most brilliant scientists working to develop a cure for you, but it's been slow... It's a small project that only a handful have been asked to take part in. Shinya's working hard to keep it under wraps for me, but if Kureto Hiiragi finds out that I've been hiding you all this time, he'll have you detained. He'd probably either add you to his collection, or hand you over to the laboratory so that they can do all sorts of fun experiments on you. So if neither sounds very appealing, I have to ask you to be patient."

Swallowing thickly, Mika hesitantly took the pack of blood into his hands. His body screamed that he drain it, but he remained still, simply staring down at it as he slowly shook his head from side to side. "I understand... I'm grateful that you've done as much as you have," he admitted, but that didn't change the fact that this was still a topic Mika didn't wish to discuss. Not right now. Not with Guren. "Could you please just tell me where Yuu-chan is?"

Guren pressed his lips together, not having expected for Mika to sound so defeated. Personally, he'd expected Mika to be furious – unrelenting and demanding.

"Shinoa already briefed me on what happened," Guren began, his eyes narrowing in obvious disapproval at what he said next, "I heard about what you did..." He may not have approved, but Mika also caught the glimmer of understanding in Guren's violet orbs. He knew what it was like to make difficult decisions, and what loss felt like. "Sometimes it's better just to let people go. But you couldn't do that, could you? You care about him too much. You're family, so it must have been hard on you... "

"Nothing can justify what I did," Mika murmured darkly, "Even if I could, I don't have the time to be thinking about it, anyway. I need to be there for him."

"That's going to be a bit problematic," Guren stood from where he'd been sitting on Mika's hospital bed, casually brushing his hands across his pants and shirt in order to smooth them out. "That idiot attacked Mitsuba and the others, and then they lost track of him. We actually don't currently know where he is." If Guren was concerned, he didn't seem it in the least. At least, not until he added grimly, "I've never had the pleasure of witnessing it, so can you tell me what the hell happened back there? Yuu claims that you're still yourself, from when you were once human. So why is it that Yuu went on a rampage, vampire or no? Were you this way when you were first turned? It would make sense for your control to improve over time, but from what Shinoa told me, it didn't seem like he lacked control in the least. He was more then aware of what it was he was doing. She said it was simply as if, 'he didn't care.'"

Mika inhaled unsteadily, clamping down on the inside of his mouth. He'd been afraid of this...

"I have no idea how thoroughly your scientists have studied vampires, but I can try to explain what I know," Mika said coolly. He needed to keep calm, despite the fear and guilt that threatened to swallow him up. Feeling sorry for himself, nor allowing for his thoughts to wander and construct disastrous scenarios in his mind, would help Yuu in the least. "I don't know about other vampires like the nobles, but for the humans who have been turned, their emotions are magnified after their transition. Happiness turns into elation, anger into hatred, sadness into depression, and so on. To some, it can be quite unbearable. Intolerable, even. I personally don't know how it works, as Krul didn't go into details. That and I've never considered it. But in order to control these overwhelming emotions, we have the benefit of turning off our humanity. I always figured it would sort of be like handing yourself over to the monster inside – allowing your vampire instincts to take control."

Mika paused, taking another breath to try and steady himself.

"I... I think that Yuu-chan may have turned his emotions off as I described. Doing so would strip him of compassion and remorse. Which would explain why he's capable of hurting his friends without feeling even an ounce of guilt about it. It's the only explanation... Otherwise, he'd _**never**_ have hurt the others... or me."

Yuu's icy words crept into the back of Mika's thoughts, and he shivered.

"You're kidding..." the lieutenant colonel touched his chin, speaking as if in thought before promptly questioning, "But he can turn his emotions back on, can't he?"

Mika nodded, "I think so. The switch can flip either way – either to turn it off, or to turn it back on. The only issue is that Yuu-chan is going to need to _**want**_ to feel again. In a state of indifference, we're going to need some very powerful emotional triggers to stir even the tiniest desire to feel something again in him."

"Then it's a good thing that I gave you human blood, after all," Guren snapped his fingers as if he were a genius, and the gesture paired with it's words made Mika's brow twitch. He opened his mouth to snap for Guren to shut up, though Guren spoke over him, "Sustaining yourself with human blood will give you the strength you'll need to bring Yuu back here. Don't kid yourself. He's already had blood – Mitsuba's blood, actually."

Mika frowned. He didn't know how to feel.

"We need you to be strong, Mika. _**You're**_ most likely the embodiment of Yuu's humanity. If anyone can stir up emotions in him and get him to turn his humanity back on, it's you."

Maybe he should have felt pleased by that. Flattered, even. But with the entire situation as it was, how could he have? It was his fault that this very thing had happened in the first place. If anything, he only felt it was right that he be the one to take responsibility by doing everything and anything he could in order to bring Yuu back.

He tried not to think about how greatly this would effect the dark haired boy once such a time came. Even once they got him back, would they _**truly**_ havegotten him back? Once his emotions returned, the guilt would come flooding back, too. He would hate himself for the actions he committed, even though it'd been beyond his control. It would consume him, as Yuu was so very compassionate. He wouldn't ever forgive himself.

It would all be because of him...

Realizing that his own heightened emotions may very well immobilize him if he continued to think about it, Mika looked up from his blood pack and quietly asked, "Could you take me to see the others?"

Yuu had said that when he wasn't around, that Mika should allow for his new family to take care of him. Right now, he needed his family more then ever.

"Of course, but not until you eat first," Guren's eyes flitted to the blood bag that Mika continued to fidget with in his lap, "I haven't given you any blood since yesterday, so you must be feeling pretty hungry."

Guren didn't need to say so aloud, but it wasn't a good idea for Mika to wander the medical ward. Not when he was hungry.

There was a momentary period of silence before Mika finally said, "...Okay." And Guren nodded, pleased. It wasn't until he continued to watch the vampire, who simply stared back without moving, that Guren wondered if he'd actually meant it or not. It was reasonable for him to hesitate, at least, but if he was planning on starving himself, that was another issue altogether.

Eventually, Mika simply said, "I'm not going to drink it with you watching me."

Guren blinked. "Oh, uh, right." He supposed that might be a bit weird. Mika wasn't shy, at least he didn't think so... Perhaps Mika was being considerate. It wasn't as if he were drinking a juice box."I'll leave you to it," Guren turned to give him one last look before leaving the room, "Actually drink it, though, okay? If not for yourself, keep your strength up for Yuu's sake. That... and I know that you don't want to hurt anybody."

With that, Guren was gone and Mika was left yet again in the small room with nothing but the screaming silence around him. Peering down at his blood bag with a hard gaze, Mika bit his lip.

"I'll save you... Yuu-chan. No matter what. I promise."

That promise was the only reason he didn't break into tears as he tore the blood bag open, shaky, eager hands bringing it to his lips before his first taste of human blood touched his tongue and poured down his burning throat.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading~ Any comments would be great, as I often update faster through the inspiration that your comments give me. I'm also open to any prompts. After the main story, I'm gonna write a bunch of one-shots, hence why it's labelled as a series. I already have a few planned, but if by the end of the main story, there's still something in-particular that you'd like to see, definitely let me know. I can't make any promises, but I'll sure as hell try~**

 **Also, I'm really lame a lot of the time, and whenever I've gone back to proof read chapters beyond this, I actually end up with a lot of plot holes? Haha, in the chapter after this, I had to correct so many lines that described Mika's eyes as being blue. Or of Yuu's eyes as being green. *sigh* Like, no my freaking mind - they're red now. I've done this before. So if you see any stupid mistakes like that, please just point them out to me. Haha.**

 **Like with Frigid Moon. Omg that was terrible. I wrote a fight scene, and one of the character was wearing a gas mask. Partway into the fight, the character gets grabbed. What do I make him do? Bite the guy who grabbed him. Like, no. He's wearing a gas mask. It literally took me two paragraphs before I froze in realization and went back to rewrite everything. I'm such a lame dork.**

 **Anyway, see ya next tim** e~


	3. Save Me

**Vampire!Yuu will finally be making his appearance~ I hope you all enjoy this chapter, I hope it's more interesting then the last one. Again, if you notice any inconsistencies (ex. writing the wrong eye-colour in), please just let me know. Haha, I've been having to go back so many times to fix things like this.**

 **WARNING: this chapter contains an anxiety attack. If descriptions of such are a trigger for you, please don't read. Your health is far more important.**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Three:**_ _ **Save Me**_

* * *

 _"You caused the rain, I brought you pain. But you're the only one that could SAVE me."_

 _\- Save Me (Listenbee)_

* * *

 _As he lay curled up with Yuu at night, the gentle patter of rain as it connected with the windowsil had always been oddly soothing. Maybe because it was intriguing to him, as the vampire had rarely experienced such since he was eight years old._

 _The eerie rumbling of thunder as it rolled through the sky that sometimes accompanied it was an entirely different story._

" _Yuu-chan!" Mika jolted out of bed, his eyes searching the room wildly. It's dark walls danced with silhouettes of raindrops, and in sudden instances, the entire room would light up in a brief flash of light,"W-what was that!?"_

 _Yuu stirred awake, concern seeping into his groggy voice as he called out Mika's name uncertainly,"Mika? Mika, are you okay?"_

 _As Yuu became more aware of his surroundings, green eyes peering at Mika through the darkness, he took in what would be his answer. The blonde had sat up from their peaceful sleep together, and his entire figure was tense. The fright in those blue eyes was more then enough to make Yuu snatch for Mika's hand without thinking, massaging a thumb across the surface of his skin there._

" _Mika," Yuu swallowed thickly, so sad at seeing the rare look of fright on Mika's face. He'd rarely shown such to him. Yuu had only ever witnessed it once, and that was when Mika had suffered a nightmare. That nightmare had turned into an anxiety attack, and Yuu's heart still ached at the memory of it. Wrapping him up, Yuu had whispered calming words into his ear for hours that night, just like Mika had always done for him whenever he suffered the same..._

 _Afraid that the same would come to be right then, Yuu asked sadly, "Did you have a nightmare?"_

 _Mika shook his head from side to side, his hand automatically clamping around Yuu's when the next wave of thunder tore the skies apart. He squeezed his eyes shut, flinching. It wasn't until he opened his eyes again that he became aware of just how tightly he'd held onto the human. It'd been with more force then Mika had ever used with him. It was unlike him, especially when he was always so careful with his abnormal strength whenever they touched._

" _I-I'm sorry, Yuu-chan..."_

" _Mika... what is it?" Yuu searched his face worriedly, uncaring that his hand ached. If anything, it only proved to him just how much Mika was hurting. If anything, Yuu only squeezed back, unwilling to withdraw even if his hand broke in the process. "Are...are you scared of the thunder?" he asked quietly, watching as Mika reacted the same as only moments ago upon the next clap of thunder._

 _Mika stared into his lap with a hard gaze before just barely nodding his head. He wished more then ever that he could will his body from trembling. He didn't want Yuu to see him this way - so weak that he shook in fear of but a noise..._

 _He jumped slightly when Yuu suddenly caressed the side of his face with his free hand, cupping the vampire's cheek as he leaned in closer and murmured warmly, "You've lived underground all this time. Don't worry, Mika. You'll get used to it eventually. But until then, I'll always be here for you until the storms are over. You don't need to look so ashamed. It's okay."_

 _With that, Yuu gently tugged him forward, as if to guide him back into bed next to him. Mika allowed it, settling next to him as their hands remained locked together, tightly bound._

" _Don't worry about sleep," Yuu draped his other arm around Mika's body, pressing the blonde into his chest. "I'll stay up with you. I'll just hold you until the thunder stops."_

 _Mika didn't fight it. He buried his head into Yuu's shirt, taking comfort in his scent and the pleasant sound of his voice. "...Yuu-chan." Words were lost to him as he became overwhelmed in everything that was Yuu. What would he ever do without him? He was his everything. He was the only one capable of making everything better. Whether Mika had suffered a nightmare involving Ferid or his abusive childhood, or even if Yuu was simply comforting him from his own silly fears, like the explosions in the sky..._

 _Yuu was the one medicine that could cure anything._

* * *

"Mitsuba?"

Mika brought a fist down on the open door, knocking gently as he peered inside to see her conscious and well.

Some ways down the hall, he'd already been to check on Yoichi. The brunette had been sleeping, Kimizuki close to his bedside. It wasn't often that the strawberry haired boy displayed affection, so when Mika caught a glimpse of him clasping onto Yoichi's hand, Mika had left without disturbing them.

"Oh, Mika. Come in," Mitsuba acknowledged his presence, almost surprised to see that he was awake. He supposed it had already been two weeks since the apparent 'attack.' To see that Mitsuba and Yoichi still remained within the medical wing made Mika truly wonder how grave their injuries had been considering they healed quickly due to their demon weapons. Yet here they still were...

Shinoa waved from where she sat at Mitsuba's bedside, a sight that Mika was glad to see. Of each member of Yuu's squad, Shinoa was the one whom he'd come to feel most strongly for, asides from Yuu, of course. She had a good sense of humour and was easy to get along with. She'd managed to crack a few of his walls. Around her, he almost felt the way he had as a human. Though most importantly, she understood how strongly he felt for Yuu and vice versa. Despite the feelings she housed for Yuu, which was more then apparent to Mika whether she admitted to them or not, she respected what he and Yuu shared together.

One may have figured that jealousy would have tainted such a friendship with it's ugliness, and perhaps it would have if Mika was still the same as when Krul had brainwashed him into a human-loathing puppet. But as of now, where he was somewhat more accepting ('somewhat' as in selective. He had more then enough other humans who he'd deemed filthy) how could he have blamed her for falling for him? How could anybody who'd come to know him not fall for him?

"How's your neck?" Shinoa playfully asked, and to be honest, Mika was pretty glad that she was at least trying to act like her usual self despite everything... Nothing could keep him from noticing the faintest crease of worry in her brow, however. "Still working out a few kinks?"

He wasn't really in the mood, but in order to appease her, Mika forced a small smile and stretched his neck to each side, pretending it was sore. If she was trying so hard to be strong, then why shouldn't he?

"In all seriousness though, what's the extent of all of your injuries? Are you all okay?" he ended up asking.

"Kimizuki and I managed to escape the brunt of it, as we were prepared for what..." she hesitated when she said her friend's name, as if this vampire wasn't truly Yuu and should be treated as it's own entity, "for when Yuu turned on us. But Mitsu-chan and Yoichi didn't remain calm at all. They were pretty convinced that we just needed to talk to him, and that we'd be able to snap him out of it. They weren't prepared to fight their friend...and I suppose I don't particularly blame them, either."

Mitsuba turned scarlet with a mix of both shame and embarrassment, her gaze dropping into her lap. She opened her mouth, probably to mutter something under her breath about how Shinoa was exaggerating. Instead, no words left her and she pressed her lips together in a melancholy frown.

Mika proceeded to explain what he'd already discussed with Guren – that what had happened to Yuu was not his fault, and that he'd never have dreamed to bring harm to his family. That Yuu's humanity switch had flipped at some point either after or during his transition.

Mitsuba blinked, "I had no idea that vampires could even do that."

Shinoa didn't seem as surprised. That or she simply had a good poker face. Though she did appear somewhat relieved once Mika stated that they only needed to get their beloved family member to switch his humanity back on. Mika knew that the family's bond fed their belief in the other – that he wouldn't have ever hurt them like that if he could help it. It was very out-of-character for the overprotective boy. Reassurance, however, was more then welcome.

"I'm just glad that Mika-san's given us a solution to this," Shinoa mentioned, any sarcastic tinge disappearing from her tone altogether. The slightest smirk could be read on her lips, however. A look of confidence. "We're going to get him back, Mika-san."

The reassurance was more then helpful for the blonde, as well. When the girl he'd grown to respect and admire promised him such, he could feel his sadness evaporating as determination and hope took it's place. How could he not trust her? She'd been there for him in moments of despair before.

Yuu had been unavailable at the time, called away by Guren and a few of the other higher ups in the military. Mika figured they intended to discuss matters involving him, yet he'd not been asked to participate despite Yuu's protests.

In that time, Shinoa had stumbled upon him – hungry and panicking.

Back then, they hadn't been particularly close. The entire squad was still trying their utmost to get to know him, though Mika often distanced himself which made it rather difficult. Not that his coldness deterred them from always trying.

His entire body had been wracked with the agonizing pain brought about through blood lust. The horrifying thought of hurting those around him only made it all the more painful. He fought it desperately, though felt that the inevitable was approaching. It was as if he were hanging by a cliff, his fingers slipping until he fell and lost all control.

What was worse... Yuu, the one who could pull him back from anything, was absent. Out of reach. He didn't know if he'd be able to get through this without him.

Then Shinoa was suddenly at his side, clutching onto his shoulder.

Another voice, maybe Mitsuba's, had cried that they should get Guren. Mika shouldn't be approached like this. Even if he didn't want to, he could end up hurting them. Yet Shinoa had stayed by him.

"I know it's hard right now, but you can fight this, Mikaela-san," she'd urged him, "You've been so strong all this time."

Mika buried his head into his knees, his arms grasping at himself more firmly. "I don't want to hurt anybody... I can't! But I don't know what to do... I'm going to hurt someone. I'm going to hurt someone. Please. Please, stop me!"

"You're not going to hurt anybody, Mikaela-san," Shinoa pressed, her voice unusually gentle, "We're going to get through this together. I'll sit with you until Mitsu-chan can get you some blood."

Vulnerable and scared, Mika just barely whispered, "It hurts... I want Yuu-chan..."

Shinoa had seen just how much brighter Yuu had become since Mika had come home with them. He would beam whenever he was around the blonde, often found exchanging some sort of contact with him as they made the very air around them seem to glow.

Yuu needed Mika, and she knew that. But it was right then when Shinoa grasped just how much Mika also needed Yuu. They both needed one another so much... It was a bond she couldn't fathom. It went beyond friendship. Family. Even love.

"Think of Yuu-san's smile," Shinoa had said.

That was when Mika had lifted his head to peer over at her with astonished eyes.

She'd continued to encourage him upon receiving the distracted look. Anything to keep his mind off the agony."Focus on it. On it's warmth. How he makes you feel."

Mika wouldn't ever forget it. Not in his entire life. He felt indebted to her. She hadn't been afraid, and instead had showed him kindness when he felt no different from a monster.

She'd saved him back then.

* * *

Mika was tempted to leave.

His mind was a jumbled mess of utmost desperation, and he knew that he'd do whatever it took to bring Yuu back. He'd do it all on his own, if needed. But he wasn't stupid... Even he knew that he couldn't just search blindly. He needed to construct a plan. How would he manage when his head was in such disarray? He needed his and Yuu's new family, whether he liked it or not. He couldn't do this on his own. Not this time.

It left him restless as he made his way back to his and Yuu's dorm room, but they'd all come to agree that Yoichi and Mitsuba needed to be discharged first before they took any form of action.

Mika had sat with both Shinoa and Mitsuba until scattered starlight had filtered in through the medical wing's open window. The scent of blood was inescapable in such a place. But Mika managed, as he didn't wish to be alone.

Despite feeling a little bit better at having spent time with them, the inevitable was now upon him as he swung the door open and entered the dark, desolate room.

With a sigh, he stepped inside the room that screamed emptiness, closing the door behind him quietly. Longing orbs flickered to the neatly made, though empty bed. Then to the open window, it's curtains flapping gently in the nighttime breeze.

It had been left open this entire time? Mika could picture it as he'd probably reminded Yuu to close it, too... It made him smile weakly as he stepped forward, though movement was just as fleeting as such a smile when he came to a quick stop.

For the fraction of a second, the mirror that hung on the far wall caught his reflection. A red gaze glowed at him through the isolated shadows, and he immediately looked away as his blood ran cold through his veins. That horrid, _**ugly**_ colour was now his. It belonged to him.

"Don't look so disgusted, Mika," the crisp voice tore him away from the heaviness that had enveloped his chest, shocking him. How the hell hadn't he sensed the approach of another? "It's about the eyes, isn't it? _**I**_ think they're pretty."

That voice... Mika spun towards it's source, a dire sense of hope bringing his undead heart to a complete halt as his lungs stilled and his mind raced. "Y-Yuu-chan!?"

It couldn't be, it was too good to be true. Though it was indisputable as Mika's bewildered gaze eagerly took in the figure of the one who sat upon their bed – looking him up and down until disbelief was washed away by a warm sense of alleviation.

His eyes began to sting, that same warmth making it's way to them as tears threatened to fall. He'd become so overwhelmed that it didn't even matter that he knew the truth behind the icy demeanor presented by the other. Through it, Mika could feel that Yuu hadn't found his way back simply because he'd missed the blonde. He probably wasn't capable of such, not unless he'd allowed himself to feel.

His humanity may have still been switched off, that much was apparent as he stared back with unfeeling crimson pools, but Mika was more then glad to see that he was safe, at least. "Yuu-chan, I was so worried! I want you to let me be there for you, so don't run away again... Please. I'm going to fix this."

He didn't even know how Yuu had managed to sneak his way into Shibuya, let alone his very own dorm room. Nor did he know just how long Yuu had been staying here, but none of that mattered. Mika would do whatever it took to reawaken emotions in the other. He wouldn't let him out of his sight again. His guard was up this time.

Yuu laughed, those unfamiliar ruby orbs studying the blonde carefully before he said, his words just as empty as the look in his eyes,"I broke your neck and _**you**_ were worried about _**me**_? Seriously, get your priorities straightened out, Mika. You should just turn it all off so that you don't have to put everyone else ahead of yourself for once."

Mika tried not to take it personally, as Yuu would never have said that to him, and he knew it. It was difficult to do, however. His emotions were already elevated as it was. His body was still paralyzed and his mind so very haunted by the memory of when Yuu's life had been seeping away before him, let alone everything else that had followed afterwards. "You _**are**_ my priority, and I wouldn't have it any other way. You know that, though." He paused, unable to keep from softening as his wide, frantic eyes continued to search Yuu. He took a step closer. "Besides, you don't truly want that. I... I love you, Yuu-chan. I wouldn't want to dull that feeling for anything. You still feel for me, too. I know you do."

Apart of him hoped to spark even the tiniest flicker of emotion in the newly turned vampire's face, but Mika realized all too rapidly that he'd have to try much harder then that if he hoped to bring Yuu back.

"I guess," Yuu shrugged, leaning back against the bed frame in order to make himself more comfortable, "I see what you're trying to do, though. You're probably my trigger, blah, blah, blah, you want me to turn my humanity back on. But it won't be happening. Everything would work out better if _**you**_ switched _**your**_ humanity _**off**_. We could be together forever, just like you want. C'mon, Mika, it'd be fun."

There was something strangely tempting about the thought of being with Yuu for all eternity. Though that was merely a fleeting thought. It wasn't realistic, not when Mika knew what they would be capable of, and with little care, too. That, and their love would become something tainted and twisted. It would undoubtedly turn into something selfish and lust-driven. Nothing like what they currently shared.

He wouldn't allow that to become of the warmhearted boy whom he loved so much.

"If I did that, it would be no different from giving up on you, Yuu-chan," Mika frowned, continuing to eye Yuu's relaxed form. Silver moonlight washed over his ebony hair, it's scattered light glittering like stars across his strands. Mika wanted so badly to reach out and sweep a hand through that starlit sky...

Hell, he wanted to kiss him until he couldn't breathe, insistent on breaking his walls with each meeting of their lips.

"Fine," Yuu smirked, "I have plenty others to choose from. I mean, Shinoa likes me. Mitsuba used to like me, too. Even Yoichi probably liked me back before he crushed on Kimizuki."

Silence was Mika's only reply as he attempted to fill his head with the fact that Yuu wouldn't ever say such things. He shouldn't find meaning in Yuu's words. He _**knew**_ that, yet each word seemed to slice into him like a cursed weapon, and nausea settled into the very pit of his stomach.

Yuu's lips only widened in amusement. He knew that he'd touched a nerve. It had been his intention, after all. His lack of caring didn't effect his knowledge, nor the memories he housed, so he was more then mindful of the power he held over the unstable blonde. "I mean, you _**do**_ know that Shinoa, your apparent bestie, likes me, don't you? Aren't you bothered by that or anything? If you can't even get jealous for me what does that say about how much I mean to you?"

Hopefully if he shattered Mika's heart into a handful of glass-like shards, then he would take his advice and turn his humanity off. Heartbreak, particularly for a vampire, would be complete and utter despair. It would be unbearable, and it would swallow Mika up.

"Shinoa's not like that," Mika protested, his voice quaking. He faltered, attempting to ignore portions of what he'd just heard. This wasn't Yuu as he should have been... Mika knew this. Dammit."She wouldn't try to interfere with what we have. She wouldn't betray me like that..."

"Betray you? Mika, _**everyone**_ ends up betraying you in the end. Everyone but me. You're in serious denial," Yuu smirked, "Oooh, I know what'd make you jealous. What about I give Shinoa a demonstration of that first kiss we shared on your apparent birthday? Not that you can even age anymore. Well, neither can I. Whatever. What can you do? Anyway...Yeah. I bet she'd like that."

Mika choked. His breath was sucked right out of his lungs as a pang tormented his heart and set his body aflame. In a strangled whisper, Mika pleaded, "Yuu-chan... Please... please stop."

"Aww, don't start crying, Mika," Yuu pushed himself up from the bed frame, standing so closely to Mika that the blonde couldn't keep from holding his breathe. He could basically _feel_ Yuu's touch against him, and he automatically trembled. Mika flinched when Yuu reached out to touch his face, stroking a thumb across his jawline and then his flushed cheek. Mika wanted to swat those surprisingly gentle fingers away, but the thought killed him too much... "If you want it to stop, all you need to do is turn it off. The hurt will just fade away. Problem solved."

Mika silently shook his head, unable to even look at him as he brought a hand to his chest and tightly clasped at the fabric there. It was as if that action was the only thing that was holding him together. He was so close to falling apart...

With a heavy sigh from the other, the touch that felt as if it burned his skin withdrew.

"You're boring..."

Mika clenched his jaw. None of this was Yuu... It wasn't him. It wasn't him... He needed to block it out, but it felt no different from grasping an arrow from his battered heart only to have another quickly take it's place. The words, said in his precious Yuu's voice, were a poison meant to slowly kill him.

Yuu finally gave Mika the space that he needed to breathe again, walking straight by him as he approached the doorway. "Maybe my squad can entertain me better."

"Y-Yuu-chan, wait!" Mika whirled around to try and catch the boy by the sleeve, but he caught nothing but empty air. Yuu had already made it to the doorway.

The dark haired vampire smirked. "Either I'm faster then you since reawakening as a vampire, or I'm _**really**_ throwing you off. What can I say? I'm charming, huh?" He paused before throwing Mika a small wave and then disappearing into the hallway completely. "See you around, Mika. Hopefully by the time I come back, you've turned off your humanity, or you're more interesting or something. Hey, at least you're hot though, right?"

Then Yuu was gone.

Just like that, he left Mika speechless where he stood.

His heart sped through his chest and thumped in his ears at a rate that was abnormal even to a vampire. He clutched at his shirt more tightly, trying so desperately to breathe. But all he could do was choke. Anguish was rapidly joined with panic when Mika came to the conclusion that he may be suffering another anxiety attack.

Such dismay only caused for him to suck in breathes at a faster rate, beads of sweat forming over his skin and tears forming in his eyes as he began to wheeze. He squeezed his eyes shut, sagging onto his knees as he tried so hard to picture Yuu's face – tried to picture Yuu as he encouraged him to match his breathes.

 _'Breathe in slowly through your nose, then breathe out slowly through your mouth... Yeah, there you go. Breathe as I do, Mika. Just like this.'_

The thought only seemed to make Mika's chest tighten, his tears spilling across his face.

Yuu wasn't here, and Mika could do nothing but allow for the pain to swallow him up as he let his weakened body sink onto it's side. His hand remained at his chest, grasping onto it so tightly that his hand was beginning to feel stiff.

Strained, shallow breathes continued to escape from in-between his trembling lips, and with a whimper he curled up against the cold floor.

His mind screamed at him to get up. He needed to save Yuu. He needed to ensure that Yuu do nothing that he would regret by harming their family. He needed to protect them.

But right then, all he could manage to do was breathe.

* * *

 **As always, any comments are always appreciated! Thank you so much for reading!**


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